Practicing Forgiveness Can Transform Challenging Emotions and Facilitate Personal Evolution

By Tarra Judson Stariell, via

As a therapist and in my personal life, practicing forgiveness has proven to be the most effective choice when faced with challenging emotions, situations, and life events that too often provoke unpleasant feelings and behaviors. Forgiveness offers a calm mind, neutralizing the negativity that would otherwise be generated by emotional reactivity or judgmental, critical thoughts. Adversity is an opportunity to correct unlearned lessons. Forgiveness neutralises or dissolves the lesson at hand. The present moment is usually an unlearned lesson that has returned to be corrected. Awareness in the present facilitates correction and, thus, advancement in our evolution.

Practicing Forgiveness by Tarra Stariell

“All the world’s a stage,” Shakespeare said. Correction is not obtained by defensively reacting or excusing it because of our “benevolence”. It is found by asking our higher power for assistance in regulating our emotions and, therefore, returning to the loving presence we all have. By staying in the present moment, we can prevent our brains from associating the situation with an earlier memory and thus stop the opportunity from being hijacked by an automatic and negative reaction. Additionally, this ensures that our brains do not project us into a non-existent future, which they often predict.

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present,” Lao Tzu said. Defense mechanisms serve to resist these learning opportunities. Freud explained that when we resist ‘what is,’ our resulting negative thoughts and judgements are projected outwards as we attempt to rid ourselves of them. This “psychological projection” serves to defend against pausing to inquire what purpose the experience serves. Instead of rejecting it, and therefore projecting it onto others (attacking them with this negativity), we could use it to master our emotions, climb the evolutionary ladder, and gain peace of mind by forgiving it.

If we allow a situation to control or hijack us, the lesson will return in a boomerang fashion until we learn how to stay in our right mind by practicing forgiveness. What goes around, comes around. Most quantum mechanics scientists believe we are one mind. Dr Erwin Schrödinger, a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, states, “The total number of minds in the universe is one. In fact, consciousness is a singularity phasing within all beings.” When we attack another, we attack ourselves. Einstein believed we were all connected in what he called the “unified field”. This is not so far-fetched if we recognize that the discoveries of these scientists and their colleagues have given us cell phones, medical imaging, laser technology, and so on.

Think of the mind as the master controller of our brains and, thus, our emotions and bodies. However, on this plane of existence, we live in duality – light/dark, positive/negative, yin/yang, etc. Instead of having “one mind” on this plane of duality, our mind is split into what is called a “right mind” and an “ego mind”. Our right mind represents our spirit – the source of our being, the essence of love. It is free of negative emotions and brings peace of mind. ‘The better angels of our nature,’ according to Abraham Lincoln.

The other half of our split mind is called the ego mind. It is filled with defenses and the unconscious guilt that naturally occurs when we act out these defenses by attacking others through our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. When projecting these judgment-filled thoughts, we fail to recognize that what we do to another, is done to us. We are all from the same source. Denial of ‘what is,’ rather than acceptance, causes emotional reactions to the unpleasant events in our lives. We not only lose our peace of mind but also accrue negative consequences by giving control to our ego mind.

Instead, pause and breathe.


  • Take responsibility and notice how you feel about the situation.
  • Ask Spirit (your source) for assistance in forgiving your thoughts and emotions.
  • This is how to leave the hate-filled ego mind and not fall down the rabbit hole.
  • Enjoy returning to your right mind, the place of peace and calm.”

Embracing forgiveness is not merely a tool for emotional healing; it is a profound journey towards self-awareness and spiritual growth. By acknowledging and releasing the burdens of the past and fears of the future, we open ourselves to a life of balance, peace, and deeper understanding.

As we practice forgiveness, we not only transform our own lives but also contribute to a more compassionate and connected world. Remember, in the art of forgiveness, we find the key to our true power and the pathway to our inner peace.

Tarra Judson Stariell is the author of Flashpoints of Awareness: Lessons Learned from a Life. This post originated from

No Comments

Categories: Blog

Paradigm Shifting Emotions towards Peace of Mind

By Tarra Judson Stariell, via

If you use a cell phone, you have unwittingly accepted the validity of Quantum Mechanics and the discoveries of its noted scientists. Without them, we would not have Fax machines, lasers, medical imaging and so on. Additionally, they have opened a doorway to understanding how the brain works and subsequently how to calm the brain and return to our natural state of peace and calm.

Mind is Not the Brain

Physicists such as Dr. Erwin Schrodinger, Nobel Prize Winner, are on the frontier of discovering the true essence of the mind.  He states: “The total number of minds in the universe is one. In fact, consciousness is a singularity phasing within all beings.” 

According to Max Planck, founder of Quantum Theory, “All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particles of the atom to vibration.  I must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind.  This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”  

From the lens offered by these brilliant scientists, we can see the “mind” for what it is—the essence of every living thing on the planet, the “unified field” Einstein refers to that is the sum total of all the spirits on this plane of existence. 

Think of the mind as the master controller of our brains, thus our emotions.  However, on this plane of existence, we live in a duality, light/dark, positive/negative, yin/yang, and so on.  Instead of being of “one mind” on this plane of duality, we have a split mind.  A “right mind” where we experience love, our natural state of being, free of negative emotions and its ensuing chaos.  “The better angels of our nature,” according to Abraham Lincoln. 

The opposite or other half of our split mind is what is called the “ego mind.” Filled with our unconscious guilt from acting out “ego defenses” (emotional reactions) that are negative, attack-oriented, and filled with judgment.  Denial of “what is;” causes our emotional reactions to what is unpleasant in our lives instead of accepting and taking responsibility for how we feel about whatever it is.  (Allowing an opportunity to accept and release the negative emotions, and thus return to our peace of mind natural state.)

How do we stop the madness?

First of all, it is important to recognize that the brain is only capable of remembering the past or predicting the future based on past experiences.  Without involving this discussion with the neuroscience of the brain, suffice it to say that our brains are the computer that the mind, whether the right mind or the ego mind programs.  The body is merely the puppet whose strings are pulled by whichever mind is programming it. 

Life is our curriculum for each one of us to learn that the spirit that we are is our connection to our right minds and the completion of our “lessons.”  Accessing our Spirit is much like using GPS to guide us to our destination.  Asking is receiving the necessary guidance to find our “right mind” and therefore our peace of mind. 

 A calm mind, free of distractions is the first step. 

  • Meditation
  • Prayer
  • Being in Nature
  • Soft, Calm Movement of our Bodies
  • Deep, Relaxed Breathing

All offer opportunities to “clear our minds” and be aware of the present moment.

Thus, allowing our divinity (Spirit) access to motivate us to a peaceful mind.

Awareness of the Present Moment is the Opposite of Denial or Dissociation

Denial is a powerful defense mechanism and a form of judgment because it does not accept “what is.”  Denial causes repression, a stuffing away of the negative experience, negative thoughts and/or bodily sensations related to a specific event or events.  Hastily moving away from accepting the discomfort and need for correction of a situation, our “defenses” allow us to push it aside in the fantasy that we no longer have to deal with it. 

  • What is repressed is suppressed–stored in our unconscious mind.
  • What is suppressed–will either return to the body or be projected outward and thus manifested in the behavior of another or an object in our external environment.
  • This phenomenon ensures that our failed lessons and poor choices return to us to be learned and therefore corrected.
  • Denying the lessons in front of us ensures our continual existence in a dissociated reality; doomed to the hamster wheel of seeking, but never finding peace of mind.
  •  Our free choice and free will offers opportunities to choose peace of mind or continued and ongoing conflict by suppressing or projecting our negativity onto another.
  •  Like gravity, the truth will always return to us to be once again rejected or acknowledged.
  •  Each time, the consequences grow more dire until we leave Plato’s Cave of our darkened and distorted awareness to reclaim our peace of mind through awareness, acceptance, and forgiveness.
  •  Forgiveness is not excusing someone you believe has wronged you.
  •  Forgiveness is asking your Spirit for assistance in accepting the unlearned lesson that has returned to be corrected, released, and forgiven because it is your lesson needed for your growth and evolution.

 “Resistance causes Persistence” is another quantum mechanics discovery.  How wonderfully simple, free of chaotic emotions and disturbed thinking we could be if we could at least sometimes surrender our ego mind to our higher, Spirit guided right mind.  The choice is simple and each and every one of us will have ongoing opportunities to practice right-minded thinking and enjoying the benefits thereof.  Or suffer the consequences of our judgments and attacking others and therefore ourselves with our negative thoughts and emotions until we learn.


Tarra Judson Stariell

© Copyright 2024

Tarra Judson Stariell is the author of Flashpoints of Awareness: Lessons Learned from a Life. This post originated from

No Comments

Categories: Blog